Just Call Obama a Nigger and Get It Over With

For far too long this political season has been above race and has been about substance and integrity.

Thank God that is no longer true.

Not since my late teens, when my analog television screen was graced with hour and hour of mug shots of Willy Horton and turnstiles to prison filled with endless darkies, have I enjoyed such a wonderful bit of race bating.

Don't let anyone fool you. I have heard pundits try to claim that the Democrats are the true racists, that their Great Society is nothing more than tacit racism, trying to make poor black folk dependent on us nice white people for their livelihoods. But let's face it, no one can throw a racial slur like us on the right. Remember White is Right!

So nothing has made me happier in recent weeks than hearing the gloves come off, the other shoes drop, and the collective right finally burying their fears and going after Obama where it hurts: his melanin.

Tom Sullivan scared the Bejesus out of all us white folk by predicting that if Obama neither wins the nomination nor the Presidency, colored folk across the country will riot. Talk about playing the race card! You go, Tom! Nothing scares white suburbanites more than memories of the race riots in the wake of the Rodney King verdict in the 1990's or the national meltdown in the 1960's after the assassination of Martin Luther King. Maybe we can play on an endless loop footage of Reginald Denny being beaten senseless to rile up the masses for November.

Then there is my perennial gal pal, Melanie Morgan, who unfortunately has just lost her day job as a shock jock, and must go back full time to her night job as a high-priced crack whore. Her persistent comments about Barack Obama being a Halfrican American warmed my heart like a burning cross in the front lawn of a mixed race couple moving into the wrong neighborhood. Nothing says racism like bastardizing a politically correct term to make it a pejorative.

And how about all those pundits attacking Obama for throwing his white grandmother under the bus to make a point about race? I mean it was so deliciously racist, that even the folks at Fox and Friends couldn't all get behind it in unison. You know you have crossed into new racist territory when you can only get the fabulous jazz hands Doocey and the blond bimbo de jour on board. When the other third of the morning party walks off set, you know you might as well start decorating the set with some nooses and racist art work from the 1900's. Maybe Fox News can come up with a new Chyron with a picture of Obama with the subtitle "Alligator Bait." Now that's racism!

But who can forget the absolutely wonderful way in which not only the right wing but also the mainstream media have covered the whole Jeremiah Wright mess. It's just wonderful how editing a little bit of footage, cutting out the intro and outro can change the whole meaning. And it is wonderful no matter how much crazy shit supporters of John McCain spew from the pulpits, it does not stir up fear or anger as much as a Negro talking in an African shirt. Actually, I think the room full of hundreds of darker Negroes was probably more frightening than the mocha Negro up front.

All this has made me very happy as a conservative. I would enjoy it more if our man in the race weren't John McCain, but I know I can't have everything. I just hope the right can keep this up all the way through November. Here's to eight more months of racist rants, scary pictures of black folk, and the claims Obama is a Black Panther, a member of al Queda, a crazed Negro insistent on raping our white women, an uppity darkie, or just a lazy shiftless nigger. That way, we don't have to talk about the shit that really is important, like the falling dollar, insane oil prices, inflation and stagnation, an imploding housing market, a sixth of the nation without insurance, an endless war, a shamed nation, and a broken Constitution. God forbid we elect the one guy who might do something about any of this crap, because that would be like affirmative action. Now that would be racist.

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