Maliki Is a Nazi Appeaser

The Prime Minister of Iraq, Nuri al-Maliki, told Der Spiegel that he backs Barack Obama's withdrawal time table of sixteen months and wants the American troops out of Iraq as soon as possible.

The White House quickly responded, explaining that Maliki did not support Obama's time table, but instead that Maliki supports Obama's time table. Later the White House communicated with Maliki, showed some pictures of our last go-to man in Iraq literally hanging, on a wall, which resulted in a rapid response from a spokesman for Maliki.

The spokesman claimed that comments by Maliki were either misunderstood or mistranslated. An unnamed source disputed that the mistranslation had anything to do with the firing of Arabic translators for playing hide the sausage. Instead he claimed that the Germans are just not known as cunning linguists.

But CBS News quickly responded to not only the White House's denial and its subsequent re-denial, but also to Maliki's scared shitless denial. CBS stated that to believe Maliki's comments were misunderstood or mistranslated is ridiculous. CBS claims that Maliki does indeed want the withdrawal of American troops as soon as possible, but for some reason doesn't want to make this position too well-known until January 20, 2009.

Time magazine has reported that these statements are a boon to Obama and a bane to McCain. It is hard to support McCain's 100-years-of-Iraq statement, if the Iraqis aren't too keen on us staying.

You know, not only is Maliki a Nazi appeaser for supporting a withdrawal time table from his own country, but these Iraqis are just ingrates. Not only did we graciously bomb the shit out of their country, getting rid of a terrible dictator--and a bunch of innocent men, women, and children in the process--but we then set up shop and decided to stay. And now that The Surge! is a success, they want us to leave.

What a bunch of thankless bums!

Commander Guy has stated many times that we will not be in Iraq forever. We will leave when things get better. As soon as the Iraqis successfully complete several benchmarks, we will be ready to leave.

And now that the Iraqis have successfully completed 15 of the 18 benchmarks, the Decider knows it is time to evaluate this success, study the results, and change the benchmarks at the last minute so we can stay a little longer.

You see, this is like the SWAT team that mistakenly knocks down the door of an eighty-year-old woman's house, confusing it for the crack house next door. After the police beat the old lady nearly to death and wreck her house, its only the polite thing to do to stay until the house is back in order. Of course, once her family arrives and takes control of the situation, by that time the SWAT team is hooked on her television cable, and aren't ready to leave until the season finale of Weeds or Californication.

Of course once Showtime has finished its season, TNT and HBO begin theirs. Before you know it, the police have been sleeping on the old lady's couch for five seasons. But by that time, they can't leave, becuase they are receiving mail at her house, and they just subscribed to Sports Illustrated and have to wait for the swimsuit issue.

And even after that "fashion" issue arrives, the cops can't leave, becuase they just unpacked, and bought some new furnature. Look, they already spent a lot of money installing that bar in the basement, and the hot tub is arriving next week.

So Maliki is just being a whiner, wanting us to leave just when things are going well. If we were to leave now, that would send the wrong message to the world. It would say that we aren't run by a complete lunatic and aren't just a bunch a cowboys who don't care about sovereign nations.

I mean if we join the family of nations now, then the last eight years have been for nothing. And how could that make Commander Guy feel?

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