Another Clintonista for McCain

One of my puki pals, no not the one you are thinking of, was telling me she was planning on voting for John McCain. Now, let's call her Joan, is a rabid Democrat. The names in this blog have been changed to protect the retarded.

In fact Gigi is such a liberal, I think she has a donkey tattooed on her hoo ha. I was surprised, since she was such a big Clinton supporter earlier in the year, and I felt like embracing her and welcoming her into the fold.

But then I had to go and be curious and ruin the whole fantasy I had of Democrats becoming Republicans. I asked her why she had had a change of heart, and that is when my heart sank.

She told me "John McCain is such a maverick." I nearly spit up my Bloody Mary all over her. "He's never flip flopped on anything." Again, I spat my quiche all over her face.

"Look, honey," I said in my best condescending tone, you know the one, the kind my gal pal Ann Coulter uses with anyone with more intelligence and integrity than she--which is just about anyone. I said "John McCain has held more positions than Mitt Romney's son in a gay bath house."

"But he's pro-choice" she screamed out, almost trying to convince herself."

I said "dear, he is no such thing. That is what we on the right have wanted you to think. But between you, me, and the mimosa, he's more pro-life than Commander Guy. He not only wants to appoint more conservative judges and justices, he wants to go further and make birth control illegal."

Her draw dropped, and as it did, a half-eaten piece of cheese cake fell onto her plate. I quickly snatched it up and popped it in my mouth. Waste not, want not.

I then continued "and if you think that John McCain is going to do anything to promote your agendas, you are crazier than you look." I threw my head back and laughed. "He is so anti-gay, that he wants to make being gay illegal. That is what is meant my 'leave it up to the states.'" She looked shocked.

"He is so much for states' rights that all of us neo-cons are hoping he will permit Mississippi to repeal the thirteenth amendment." I grinned. "If they do, I will move to Gulf Port so my family can get back some of the property stolen from us, thanks to Mr. Lincoln. I have my eye on that Wesley Snipes. You know I don't just need field hands. After seeing that movie Mandingo, I need myself some big black buck to warm my lonely nights."

Jasmine grinned. I think she secretly wants to liberate the black male, one black man at a time.

"John McCain is hated by the right, because he has said nasty things about Bush," Jackie said.

"Oh really?" I laughed at her. "He may have been 'vocal' about Commander Guy, and he might have declared the last four years a mess, but no one's lips have been more firmly planted on the Decider's ass than John McCain's." I took her hand in mine, patting it like you would pat a child's head. "You idiot, we really have you fooled, don't we."

Georgette cried.

"But, please, don't let reality get in the way of your voting for John McCain. After all the only thing worse than an incompetent Republican idiot running the country is an articulate, savvy, intelligent Democrat."

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