The Biden Bulldog

Joe Biden showed us all last night why Republicans should just save their money and phone it in next week. No matter what luke warm bucket of piss John McCain attempts to pass off as his running mate, there is little hope now for a GOP ticket this November.

Even though I watch Fox News like a good foot soldier in the delusional army of right, nothing can mask the excitement and energy I witnessed last night at the DNC. We are screwed.

Joe Biden hit hard and hit often, removing the hopes of a repeat of 2004, when the entire Democrat party laid down like a woman enjoying an ape rape, and let us walk all over them. The Swiftboaters in 2004 took John Kerry to task for having the audicity to actually serve in Vietnam instead of kicking back and drinking brewskis in a champaign unit in Alabama; but in 2008 their biggest benefactor, T. Boone Pickens, now supports Barack Obama, if not explicitly, at least tacitly with his promotion of energy independence.

And history and events are aligning against us. As if forces above our pay grade somehow were trying to take the wind out of our sails, nature is sending us another hurricane on the third anniversary of Katrina. Our newest star, the Kwik-E-Mart governor of Louisiana, will not attend the RNC because of the storm. Charlie Crist, that tanned and totally-not-gay-soon-to-be-married governor of Florida will probably do the same. Gustav will most likely lay waste to either Tampa or New Orleans, and will wipe out oil platforms in the Gulf just when we are trying to trick American dumb asses into permitting us to do offshore drilling. Meanwhile the cameras will be trained on the weather and not on us.

If I were you, I would invest in Eli Lilly stock. Millions of Republicans will be on Prozac for at least the next four years. I also fully expect some mass suicides. If you are walking on Sixth Avenue around 47th Street this election day, I would cross to the eastern side. The falling bodies from News Corp employees jumping after they realize how screwed they are with an Obama Presidency will make the sidewalk a very dangerous place to be.

As my French teacher used to tell me, estamos jodidos.

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