John McCain, the Comedian

A lot of people know John McCain is a likable guy. His back and forths with the press corps are legendary.

Many people know John McCain is a able politician with 26 years in Washington.

And most people know John McCain was a prisoner during the Vietnam War, mostly thanks to the fact that he won't shut up about it. Note to McCain: Rudy used 9/11 as an answer for everything and had his fat cross-dressing ass handed to him. If you don't want to end up being Obama's bitch, then you better find a better excuse for your affliction with CRS.

But most people don't know that John McCain is a brilliant comedian. He is knee-slapping funny. He has the ability to relate to anyone through humor.

Now, ladies and gentlemen, I bring you the indelible comedy stylings of John McCain.

McCain: I appreciate his support. As you know, the lieutenant governor is our chairman.

Q: Why snub the governor?

McCain: I didn’t mean to snub him. I’ve known the lieutenant governor for 15 years and we’ve been good friends….I didn’t intend to snub him. There are other states where the governor is not the chairman.

Q: Maybe it’s the governor’s approval rating and you are running from him like you are from the president?

McCain: (Chuckling) And I stopped beating my wife just a couple of weeks ago…

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"Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly?
Because her father is Janet Reno."


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In an appearance before the National League of Cities and Towns in Washington D.C., McCain supposedly asked the crowd if they had heard "the one about the woman who is attacked on the street by a gorilla, beaten senseless, raped repeatedly and left to die?"

The punch line: "When she finally regains consciousness and tries to speak, her doctor leans over to hear her sigh contently and to feebly ask, "Where is that marvelous ape?"

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In response to an audience question about military action against Iran, the Arizona senator briefly sang the chorus of the surf-rocker classic “Barbara Ann.”

“That old, eh, that old Beach Boys song, Bomb Iran,” he said in jest Wednesday, chuckling with the crowd. Then, he softly sang to the melody: “Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, anyway, ah ...” The audience responded with more laughter.

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Two dykes are talking at a bar and one leaves. As she walks toward the door, the other watches her leave and says out loud: "God, I've love to eat her out."

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I play to win. I do whatever it takes to win. If I have to fuck my opponent to win I'll do it. If I have to destroy my opponent I won't give it a second thought.

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Do you know the best thing about having Alzheimer's?

You get to hide your own Easter eggs.

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Three reporters from Arizona, on the condition of anonymity, also let me in on another incident involving McCain's intemperateness. In his 1992 Senate bid, McCain was joined on the campaign trail by his wife, Cindy, as well as campaign aide Doug Cole and consultant Wes Gullett. At one point, Cindy playfully twirled McCain's hair and said, "You're getting a little thin up there." McCain's face reddened, and he responded, "At least I don't plaster on the makeup like a trollop, you cunt." McCain's excuse was that it had been a long day. If elected president of the United States, McCain would have many long days.

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"I was looking at the Sturgis schedule and noticed that you had a beauty pageant and so I encouraged Cindy to compete. I told her with a little luck she could be the only woman ever to serve as both the First Lady and Miss Buffalo Chip," McCain said."

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On his campaign bus recently, Sen. John McCain told reporters, "I hated the gooks. I will hate them as long as I live."

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What a sense of humor! Well, at least when he loses in November, he can go on the comedy circuit with Don Rickles.

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