Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Barack Obama Is Uppity

John McCain caught Barack Obama in another one of his uppity moments, talking intelligently, using correct English, having foresight of thought, and generally acting like, well, a Constitutional scholar.

Our nation has suffered through too much and come too far in the past eight years for us to throw it all away on some well-spoken, intelligent, highly-admired uppity upp upp.

Barack Obama should take a page from the play book of McCain or Bush and stop acting so intelligent and just act like the kind of moron Joe America wants to have a beer with or see his wife's naked rack on stage.

I think Obama has a lot of explaining to do. Where does he come off acting all Presidential and stuff? It is pretty presumptious of him at this point in the race to assume that he is one of two presumed nominees for two presupposed parties. My God, white guys would never act like this.

The only real reason why Obama would act this way is he doesn't yet know his place. Only a black guy would be so presumptious to think he could be like everyone else. Black folk who try to act white are just so arrogant. Doesn't Obama know he should be less like The West Wing and more like 227? Obama plays the race card from the bottom, middle, and top of the deck like you would expect from a black guy. Obama even says he doesn't look like the all those guys on the dollar bills. Now where did he get that from?

Yes, Obama is being completely presumptious--from the Latin, presump, meaning upp and tious meaning itty.

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Saturday, August 02, 2008

Drill Here, Drill Now, Pay Less

Blanca is a lonely woman. That is why I was so pleased to see the latest Republican strategery in the Race to the White House. I would like to attribute such an idea to John McCain, but he is lucky if he can find the toilet in the morning, let alone come up with "ideas."

In fact this slogan is so good, it may actually make me support John McCain, or at least stop my paying KBR to do his electrical work.

And I am sure that this current campaign will resonate with millions of women, who, like Blanca fully supports the idea of drilling here, drilling now, and paying less.

I, for one, am getting good and tired of paying the high prices male prostitutes charge just to back out when they finally meet me, telling me they aren't going to drill me here or now, adding insult to injury telling me not for a million dollars. It's just sad. I can't tell you how many times I have been forced to drill myself, or to even call over my puki pal, Michelle Malkin, and have her drill me.

A woman has her needs!

Tap that well, baby!

The idea of off-shore drilling thrills me even more. I can just imagine Manuel or Jose drilling me day and night on some off-shore Isla Bonita. And think how cheap it will be. Those people are starving. I give them a few bucks, and Blanca gets a tour round the world. Bliss!

Of course Obama is now saying he would support limited drilling in exchange for some bipartisan support for conservation. Well, let me tell you this. Obama can drill me any day. Blanca is getting Jungle Feaver.

So let's make this country great again, and support drilling, here, now, and often. Hell, I may even let Sean Hannity wear his strap on and tap my well!

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