McCain's Bait and Switch

Last night while I was sitting on the toilet, eating a Ding Dong, and playing with my hoo ha, I had an epiphany. After I finished, I then had a moment of clarity.

Sarah Palin is John McCain's red herring, or red reindeer. Caribou Barbie is being placed before the nation as an elaborate bait and switch.

After the convention, Sarah will withdraw from the race, citing a need to spend more time with her slutty daughter and son/grandchild. With the nomination process behind him, John McCain will be free to choose anyone he wants to be Vice President, namely BFF Joe Lieberman.

By choosing the worst possible candidate, McCain can easily choose someone like Lieberman. Knowing that McCain is a loose cannon and has selected an unqualified idiot the first go around, the Republicans will be just happy to have someone with experience and half a brain.

This bait and switch is one of the oldest games in politics. Bush did it with Harriet Miers. Reagan did it with Robert Bork. McCain even did it before with Tom Ridge. The formula is simple. Choose a person who is a cross between Pol Pot and Ron Jeremy and then go with someone less disasterous, although more controversial.

Not since Tom Eagleton in 1972 has a party been faced with the prospect of going into the general election with a different Vice Presidential candidate than they had approved. McGovern went on to lose the election in what was at that time the greatest electoral landslide in history.

McCain will have to make the switch shortly after the convention to give him the maximum amount of time before the election to sell Joe to the nation. It is more than risky. Just as Palin has peeled off moderates and independents, Lieberman will cost McCain the base. But the latest Gallup poll has shown that Palin will cost Gramps the election.

Sphere: Related Content

In a World Where Don LaFontaine Dies

Voice over actor Don LaFontaine has died at age 68.

In a world where a voice is silenced, people all bow their heads.

A man. A microphone. A film.

You will laugh. You will cry. He has died.

Don LaFontaine, dead at age 68.

Sphere: Related Content

Keeping It All in the Family: The Palin Incest Secret

It just keeps gettings worse. It now looks like Sarah Palin threw her own daughter under the Straight Talk Express. For weeks there have been rumors on the Internets claiming that Palin's fifth child is not hers but Bristol's. In an attempt to deflect any further speculation, Palin announced her daughter was pregnant.

The twisted motherly logic behind the revelation is that there was not enough time between pregnancies for Bristol to get herself knocked up again, making Trig her child.

But more disturbing are the other rumors surrounding the father of Trig. Many are speculating that Bristol's father is the daddy. To date, Palin has refused a DNA or paternity test to prove who sired the child.

Palin claimed that it was her age, which led to the disability of the child. However those in the know claim that incest could also be the cause. Stranger yet, just three days after supposedly squeezing out the last fruit of her husband's loins, Palin went right back to work. It seems unlikely a woman of 44 could give birth, go back to work, and continue to give face.

Add this to the current investigation into her abuse of powers, and Sarah Palin suddenly becomes less trophy VP McCain had intended and more of a stone about his neck.

Come to think of it, a stone around his neck is not such a bad idea. Now all we need is someone to shove the son of a bitch into one of his seven pools.

Sphere: Related Content

Sweet Jesus What the Hell Is Wrong with John McCain?

The piles of excrement keep mounting, as we learn that Sarah Palin not only has a whore of a daughter, but that she is also under investigation for abuse of power. Palin had her sister's husband fired from the Alaska State Troopers. Yes, I know. I had no idea they even had cars in Alaska. I thought the police used polar bears or maybe seals.

It seems that John McCain knew about both the pregnancy and about the investigation when he chose Miss Wasilla. He did not choose highly-qualified and very clean and articulate candidates and instead went for the whore's mother who is under investigation.

For the sake of the Party, someone has to have John McCain committed before he completely destroys the Grand Old Party and makes it impossible for us to win in November.

Sphere: Related Content

Sarah Palin's Daughter Is a Whore

Sarah Palin, the former mayor of Wasilla, runner-up in the Miss Alaska fish gutting/beauty pageant, and current super qualified governor and like major experienced Vice Presidential candidate for John "Don't Blame Me, I Was a Prisoner of War" McCain, has a 17-year-old daughter who just couldn't get the abstinence thing right. That little puta couldn't keep her Eskimo parka on, and hopped into bed with the first boy who showed her just the little bit of attention.

Sort of like her mother with John McCain, but I digress.

Sarah Palin's daughter is knocked up, and not in the fun, romance comedy way. How the Hell can we trust the future of our nation to some cunty trollop who can't even control her own wild child of a daughter? What kind of message will this send to all the young girls of America?

Of course Palin says her little slut will marry the father. I'm surprised she could pick him out of the Caribou herd. John McCain certainly picked a winner this time. Palin is a failure as a mother, and should be kicked off the ticket immediately.

John, listen to me. Repeat after me. Mike Huckabee. Mike Huckabee. For God's sake, clean out your freakin' ears and get this one right. And stop blaming your fuck ups on being a prisoner of war. It's getting tired.

Sphere: Related Content