Advice for Republican Bloggers

The right wing blogosphere today is comprised of two main factions. Many of the blogs out the today attack Obama for any number of trivial matters, whether they be the gift of an iPod to the Queen of England, or to his referring to Austrian as a language and not a country. While Blanca normally embraces such silliness, lately it has had a disastrous effect on the Republican party.

It seems most Americans can remember just a few months ago, when the Commander-in-Chief was incapable of connecting a subject, verb, and object to create a coherent sentence. Attacking Obama for minor gaffes and for his use of a teleprompter, makes—unfortunately—most Americans not exactly nostalgic for the W. Years.

They attack Barney Frank for having a lisp—code for being, clutch the pearls, gay. They attack Hillary Rodham Clinton for wearing pant suits and using her maiden name—code for, clutch the Birkenstocks, lesbian. They attack Nancy Pelosi for hailing from San Francisco—code for, clutch both the pearls and the Birkenstocks, liberal.

These blogs do nothing to attack the substance of Obama’s shortcomings. They instead, focus on esoteric, meaningless trivia, which reduces them—and us by proxy—to the laughing stock of the playground, the kids who make fun of the nerds, even though they are flunking out.

Those who do not appear like whimpering losers, hearkening back to the days we shouted Sore-Loserman in 2000, expose themselves for the racists they are. If there is one thing these folks can’t stand more than a gay man running the banks, it’s a black man running the country.

The other group in the right wing blogosphere these days are the extremists and alarmists. These are made up of the likes of Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, and Michelle Bachmann. They scream “Obama’s going to take your guns,” and play into the fear of folks in tin foil hats, who believe the government is coming to get them. Recently in Pittsburgh just such a person shot dead three policemen, because Beck and Limbaugh warned that Obama was out to take away your guns. Despite what the papers informed you, dog piss had nothing to do with it.

They encourage fringe groups to take matters into their own hands. Gun sales are up, because the NRA has warned that the Democrats are going to put serial numbers on bullets and are going to have gay illegal abortionists remove your guns by force. They Tweet that Obama is going to take away your guns right after encouraging people to join in on “Tea Parties.” Then they go one step further and encourage the image that all Republicans are all homosexualists by talking about “tea bagging.”

These folks are dangerous. Setting aside Rush and Sean, who really know better and are nothing more than opportunists, who care nothing for anyone but themselves, the others like Beck and Bachmann, are truly disturbed, sick individuals, who should be locked up before they hurt themselves or anyone else.

Now Blanca is all in favor of right wing extremism. I like nothing more than attacking gays and blacks. If it weren’t for racism, homophobia, xenophobia, sexism, and misogyny, where the hell would the Republican party be? It would be a group of really rich white guys sitting around, having gay interracial sex with each other, while plotting how to rob the nation blind. It sounds terribly lonely to me.

But recent events have made it clear that these two groups are doing nothing to help the party, but are doing everything to hurt it. It’s really bad when site after site I visit talks about the plummeting poll numbers for Obama, which I read while watching the evening news, which tells me his poll numbers remain steady or are rising. You make yourselves irrelevant by living in a fantasy world.

And listening to poor Rush get eviscerated on his own show by a Republican caller, only serves as further evidence of where this show boat is heading down river. MSNBC has just signed Ed Schultz to their six o’clock time slot. Ed goes head-to-head with Rush in the noon time slot on the radio, and now has three hours to come up with rebuttals to Rush’s attacks on television. Glenn Beck was thrown off CNN Headline News, and now is on Fox. It’s only a matter of time, before Rush succumbs to his own weight—literally—collapsing into a brown dwarf by his enormous mass.

The tide is turning, and if we on the right don’t learn how to react, we will be shit out of luck for years to come. You hear that it is impossible for a party to win three elections in a row? You think that we are going to be coming back strong in 2010 and 2012? You think that happy days are here again with Joe the Plumber, Sarah Palin, Michael Steele, and Rush Limbaugh? Well, all I have to say to you is this: 1936.

Remember that year? Well, for the majority of us, no, we don’t. But unfortunately for us Republicans, there are still books out there, printed by people who don’t engage in historical revisionism. That year, deepest into the Depression, FDR was re-elected to a second term of what would become a four-term Presidency. But he was not alone. The year which saw the worst of the Great Depression, he also managed to bring along more Democrats in the House and Senate, giving the Democrats their greatest majorities ever. It seems when people are hungry and hurting, they really like the idea of soaking the rich.

The Republicans didn’t come back in Congress again until 1946. They didn’t gain the White House again until 1952, marking the longest stretch ever the White House was held by one party. If we Republicans don’t wish to see a Democrat in the White House until 2038, I suggest we pull our heads out of our asses and do something.

But I can hear you now, “Blanca, what can we do?” Well, actually I can’t hear you. It’s just the voices in my head. You know the ones. They are the obligatory crazy voices all Republicans have these days.

Well, here is a start. Back gay marriage, kick out the religious right, support minorities, enact universal health care, bring our troops home from everywhere, raise the tax bracket on the rich to 50%, and execute Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld, Gonzales, Fife, and the rest for war crimes.

Oh, look, Blanca just noticed. I’m a week too late for April 1.

Just joking...

Yeah, keep up what you’ve been doing. It’s been working soooo well thus far.

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