Like Windows 7, like Match Game 76, like New Coke, the Republican Party is trying to rebrand itself to seem fresh and to lick its self-inflicted wounds from two years of mismanagement and contraction.Like New Coke, a reformulation will only cause the faithful to abandon the G.O.P. in droves, most likely to the Libertarian or Constitutional parties. As with Match Game 76, the stars are the same, the jokes just as lame, and the host, just as dull and witless as always. And just like Windows 7, it doesn't matter how much of a new interface you put on the party, in the end the code is just the same, and it is just as buggy as ever.
Big Republican names held a pizza party to put some fresh spit on the old shit, which is the party as of late. Jeb "Let Me Shove that Feeding Tube in You Mrs. Schiavo" Bush led the parade of lost souls. He was accompanied by the Boy du Jour, Eric Cantor, who is in a race with Virginia Foxx, Michelle Bachmann, Bobby Jindal, and Sarah Palin, to see who can evacuate his head of brains the fastest. The competition has been siff, but Cantor has been able to keep up so far. With his lips firmly placed on Rush Limbaugh's ass, he is crooning the right tune like only a cantor can.
Rounding out the trio of twits was Mitt "My Magic Underwear Keeps Me Safe" Romney. Mittens is best known for driving AMC motors into the ground and for saving the Olympics from the Mormans who wanted to put the swimmers is burqahs. The arch conversative, whose supreme reign saw the first state to go all gay with marriage, at least stemmed the pink tide by pulling an oldie but a goodie out of his bag of legal tricks, using an archane law preventing Massachusetts from recognizing marriages illegal in other states, i.e., interracial marriages. What a mensch!
And ladies and gentleman, I present to you the lineup of the New Republican Party, 2009. All that was missing was Newt "Kermit the Frog" Gingerich, to make what's old new again.
Look, guys, it will take more than a kegger to bring this party back from the dead. You have to work on fixing what is wrong with the Grand Old Party, namely, all of you schmucks. If we don't return to our core values--whatever the hell they are--we are doomed. You guys turned our party upside down, forcing together groups, which have been diametrically opposed. You made the gun nuts join hands with the Rapture Ready crowd. Although I do see the connection, the gun nuts have yet to give their guns to the Rapturists so they can make a quick exit from this world and join God for brunch.
The party of Lincoln became the party of Reagan, and somewhere along the line, we became the party of Nixon and 43. Now we are the party of Jindall, Palin, and Foxx. Soon, we will end up being the party of Larry, Moe, and Curly.
As long as you dipshits are running the show, we are doomed. Our numbers are falling faster than the soon-to-be-falling fake tits of Miss California. A few weeks ago we were at 23%. Now we are at 21%. If we continue this way, by the end of the year we will be lucky if 15% of electorate identify themselves as Republicans.
Time is running out. If you can't fix things, then it may be time to jump ship. Blanca is a conservative, but she like winning. I guess I can be the next Ben Nelson or Mary Landrieu. Just call me Blanca DeBree, D-WI. Sphere: Related Content
8 comments:
How can you write so much and say so little?
An entire post that is nothing but incoherent ramble.
Come on, Blanca, I know you can do much better.
Just one point of disagreement - you wrote "its self-inflicted wounds from two years of mismanagement and contraction" ...
I think the Repugs have been mismanaged more or less since Ike was President. Before that FDR had their number but after Ike the whore/hell hounds were loose and we got Nixon-Reagan-Bush1-Bush2 and thus the mess in 2009.
I would agree with Bill. Always amused when people like anonymous don't have courage or conviction to put their name with their words. Pretty meaningless. I thought you said alot. I thought GW was a huge embarressment and I hated he was considered to be leader of the free world for 8 painful long years. Though we all know, really it was his buddy Carl that told little gw when to jump and how far to jump.
And what in God's name was McCain thinking when he chose bathing suit no brains from Alaska for his running mate. I think every women, young or old, fat or thin, stupid or smart, black or white or hispanic or anything else should be insulted beyond belief that was suppose to represent them. No way, no way in the world.
The far right has no business in politics in my opinion and anyone with them in their bed will have me voting against them...Florida style as often as I can.
Have Mercy..
You Blanca, A Democrat.
NEVER..
even I know that is a joke ;)
And what in God's name was McCain thinking when he chose bathing suit no brains from Alaska for his running mate. lol At first I thought it was quite a coup. It seemed (to me) the choice was a strategic move...as in their 'secret weapon.' who knew they'd shoot themselves in the foot!! and it wasn't a friggin flesh wound either!
Blanca...another one out of the ballpark. I am visiting my daughter and have introduced her to your site. We bonded over chuckles...and marvelled at your wit.
Laurie
Dear Blanca,
Improved and Republican don't go together. It's like you put TheraFlu in your coffee. yuk!
@anon 7:44...you come to Blanca's house, and you say the same damn thing every time. Are you stuck on that....or just plain stupid?
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