Richardson Withdraws from Nomination

New Mexico Governor, Bill Richardson, has withdrawn his name from nomination for Commerce Secretary, according to MSNBC.

Richardson, a Democrat, stated that a pending investigation into a company, which has done business with New Mexico could delay the nomination process, and would hurt the incoming Obama administration at a crucial time for the economy.

Let me say unequivocally that I and my Administration have acted properly in all matters and that this investigation will bear out that fact. But I have concluded that the ongoing investigation also would have forced an untenable delay in the confirmation process.

Richardson is a former ambassador to the United Nations and was Secretary of Energy under Bill Clinton. The sixty-one-year-old plans to continue as governor of New Mexico.

Barack Obama gave no indication of who would replace Richardson as his nominee for Secretary of Commerce.

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That's Senator Stuart Smalley to You

Funny man Al Franken finished the Minnesota Senate recount with a lead of 225 over incumbent Republican Norm Coleman.

Although Coleman and his hair refused to admit defeat, filing with the Minnesota Supreme Court to change the method in which absentee ballots were to be accepted, there is dwindling hope that the former mayor of Saint Paul can hold onto his Senate seat.

Republicans are threatening to filibuster any early seating of Franken with the 111th Congress until the election has been certified by the Secretary of State, DFL Mark Ritchie. If the Republicans are successful in the filibuster, that will leave the Democrats two seats short of their 59 vote majority in the United States Senate when the new congress convenes next week.

Norm Coleman won the Senate seat in 2002 after a highly contested race ended with DFL incumbent Paul Wellstone's death in a tragic plane crash. At the last moment, Walter Mondale, Democratic Presidential candidate in 1984, stepped in to replace Wellstone.

Rush Limbaugh turned Wellstone's memorial into a political opportunity, claiming that it was an orchestrated event, designed to maintain the seat for the Democrats. Al Franken never forgave Rush Limbaugh for this. Franken penned the book Rush Limbaugh Is a Big Fat Idiot and Other Observations in 1996.

Unless Coleman can convince the Minnesota Supreme Court to intervene, his tenure as the sole Republican Senator from the North Star State has come to an end. Even if the election is not certified next week, Democrats have already stated they will take away Coleman's offices on Capitol Hill.

Al Franken has won, becuase the was good enough, smart enough, and gosh darnit, people liked him.

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World's Oldest Woman Dies

Maria de Jesus of Portugal died this week at age 115.

Born in 1893, she was only slightly older than John McCain.

With her death, Gertrude Baines, a resident of Los Angeles, California, is now the oldest woman in the world at age 114.

Maria de Jesus, 1893 - 2009.

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Jett Travolta Dies after Seizure

Jett, the 16-year-old son of John Travolta, died today after having a seizure and hitting his head in the Bahamas.

John Travolta and his wife Kelly Preston have been accused in the past of not treating Jett's Kawasaki syndrome because of their belief in Scientology.

The news of Jett's death came as a shock to his many fans. To some the fact that John Travolta even had a child came as an even bigger shock, since rumors have been circulating for years that he likes to play hide the sausage.

Now that Jett is dead, it is unclear if he will have as stupid a name when he is reborn in a new body.

Jett Travolta, 1992 - 2009.

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An Open Letter to Mike Duncan, Chair, Republican National Committee

Dear Mr. Duncan:

I would like to throw my hat into the ring for consideration as the chair of the Republican National Committee. I have a great deal of experience working with large organizations, and I have been a life-long Republican. I have excellent communication skills, and I work well under pressure.

Additionally, I have a large repertoire of parody songs, which I can send out to constituents on either CD or portable MP3 player. I believe my skills in parody far outweigh those of my fellow Republican and possible chair, Chip Saltzman.

I would like to share with you some of the parodies I have written, and hope to soon send these to my fellow Republicans, in an effort to make the RNC more inclusive and welcome people of all walks of life into our beloved party.

This is a short list of the parody songs I have penned:

• Mort, the Backstabbing Jew
• Jay, the Flaming Homo
• Jose, the Filthy Mexican
• Mary, the Horny Lezbo
• Chae, the Scheming Chinaman
• Takisha, the Welfare Mom

I truly hope you will consider me for the chair, Mr. Duncan. My open-mindedness and multiculturalism will be invaluable to me as a chair. I can call upon my relations with many varied communities to improve the perception of the Republican party with minorities. And if chosen, my membership in the KKK and Aryan Nation will not interfere with my duties, just as your membership in these organizations did not keep you from your fabulous performance as chair for the past two years.

Thank you again for your consideration.

Sincerely,

Blanca DeBree

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2008 Worst for Stocks Since 1931

Commander Guy has broken another long-standing record. The year 2008 will go down in history as the worst for the stock market since 1931, tying the 67-year-old loss set under Herbert Hoover.

The stock market fell 33.8% in 2008, wiping out $6.9 trillion of assets. Overall, the economy broke many records in 2008, all of them bad.

Consumer confidence hit an all-time low in December at 38, lower than any time since the index was first compiled in 1967.

Oil hit a record price of $147.50 in the summer, before tumbling to less than $40 in December.

Housing prices fell lower than in more than 20 to 30 years, depending on the market.

Unemployment was the worst in 26 or 35 years, depending on which standard you use.

All in all, 2008 was the worst economic crisis since the 1930's.

And it is all Barack Obama's fault.

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Thank Heaven for Rod Blagojevich

The 17th Amendment aside, there is nothing more delicious than Illinois Rod Blagojevich. His refusal to resign and his entrenchment into the office of the Governor have made him the most despised Democrat today--even more despised than Nancy Pelosi.

But wait, there's more!

Now that Blago has chosen the successor to President-elect Barack Obama, a stand-off is coming in the Senate, pitting whiter than a sheet Harry Reid against very black Illinois Attorney General Roland Burris. You couldn't ask for a better distraction after the all-too-embarrassing "Barack the Magic Negro."

Republicans are having strained relations with the African American community. I'm not exactly sure why. I mean look at everything we have done for blacks over the last eight years. Well, not for all blacks, but at least for Colin Powel, Condi Rice, Ken Blackwell, and Michael Steele. What more do these people want? Ungrateful negros!

See what I mean? Can't figure out what they're bitching about.

But now we have the Senate Democrats threatening not to seat Burris with the 111th Congress on January 6. Burris would be the only black in the Senate, since Barack Obama resigned after becoming President-elect. In the entire history of the United States, there have only been five African Americans in the Senate. By grandstanding against Roland Burris, the 98 white folk in the Senate are sending a very bad message to all those blacks who have supported the Democrats over the years.

This is why Blago is so delicious. The Dems are damned if they do, and damned if they don't. If they don't seat Burris, they appear racist. If they do, they appear to be giving into the tainted choice of an embattled governor.

As long as Blogojevich is Governor, there is nothing the Democrats can do to prevent him from naming a successor to Barack Obama. They may have called for a special election, but unless the sitting governor agrees, their hands are tied. Their only option is to impeach the Governor in the Illinois State House.

But until that occurs, they may be stuck with Burris until Obama's term runs out in 2010. But given the recent history of Illinois, it may not look so good for Republicans, either.

If there is a special election, in all likelihood, the Democrats would win. There is nothing, other than Republican fantasy, at this point to indicate the Republicans would prevail. If the Democrats impeach Blago when the state house convenes in January, they may actually gain the sympathy of the public by being seen as cleaning house.

But until there is an impeachment or a special election, there is a black guy who just can't get a seat in the Senate. Burris will become the Rosa Parks of the 21st Century, and we Republicans will be vindicated in the eyes of African Americans.

At least until the next embarrasing parody song comes out.

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Pell Grant Pell Dies

Claiborne Pell, the Senator whose idea launched 54 million college careers, has died at age 90.

Pell, a Democrat, a true blue blood, represented blue collar Rhode Island for 36 years. He was an aristocrat, but he was a true liberal and championed those who were less fortunate.

Pell died of Parkinson's in his home in Newport, Rhode Island.

He always believed his greatest achievement was the Pell Grant.

He is survived by his wife and three living children.

Claiborne Pell, 1918 - 2009.

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