True Believers

It seems that 40% of the American population believe Iraq played a direct role in the 9/11 attacks. What is most disturbing about this statistic is that more people don't believe Iraq was behind 9/11.

We all know Iraq had a direct role in 9/11. Not only that, Iraq was behind the bombing of the USS Cole. Iraq was also behind the 1993 bombing of the World Trade Center. And we all know Iraq's role in the bombing of Pearl Harbor.

More need to believe. It angers me when I see people demanding proof. Would you demand proof of God's existence in church? Well, think of Iraq like a really hot, dangerous, filthy church and God like Bush, only not quite so smart--OK not not even as smart as God's dog. If everyone just believed our Commander Guy and stopped questioning the Decider, we might just be able to get through this Iraq thing.

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Profiles in Cowardice

It's at times like these that I seriously consider burning my membership card in the conservative club. When I got home tonight and I turned on the TV, I turned red, and not the good kind of red from election night, but the itchy kind you get from a night with a Latvian sailor, but I digress. I couldn't believe my ears as I heard what our beloved Commander-in-Guy had done. How could he? How could he betray our trust like this? Did he not have any respect for the rule of law?

George W. Bush commuted Scooter Libby's sentence. I know. I was irate, too. How could Bush commute his sentence and not pardon him? How could he do such a thing to such a loyal man servant? Doesn't he understand how this is killing poor old Scooter?

Please Mr. Decider, think of his children. Think of all the taunts they will have to live with on the playground from the other children. Taunts like "your old man was commuted, loser." It brings a tear to my eye.

And then think of poor Scooter, himself. He will never be able to practice law again! Preventing a lawyer from practicing law is like cutting off a man's penis! Just ask Ann Coulter. I hear she might not be able to practice law again if found guilty of voter fraud. But I digress, yet again.

Please, Mr. Bush. Do the right thing. Pardon Mr. Libby. After all, what was he truly found guilty of? not remembering the truth under oath? The truth is so 2000!

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