Fear of the Black

Bob Allen says it was the fear of some black guys congregating in Florida which led him to accidentally solicit an undercover officer for oral sex. I completely understand, and my heart goes out to him.

Groups of black men are behind many of the crimes committed by white Republicans. If there is an influential Republican facing charges of soliciting sex, you can rest assured there is a group of sinister black men not far behind. When you see a pasty white evangelical being embarrassed by charges of drugs and homosexual sex, you can bet your bottom dollar he was forced to do it, because he feared for his life. Any time you hear about some poor chairman of a Republican committee being hauled off for attempting to have sex with a minor, you can be certain a group of ebony teenagers forced him to do it on risk of violence. Those darkies can be intimidating, don't you know.

So I ask the liberal media to stop harping on these non crimes. It is self defense. If you were alone, at midnight in your car, in a seedy part of town, minding your own business, and a group of black men started to congregate, you know as part of a congregation, maybe at a place where people congregate, like a church or something, you would definitely fear for your life. Your only way out may be to solicit a prostitute or hustler. Just remember that the next time you hear one of these sordid tales.

Sphere: Related Content

It's Great!

According to the latest USAToday/Gallup Poll, an increased number of Americans believe the surge is working and that our Commander Guy is doing a heckuva job selling it. I could have told you that we were making progress. Progress at least in the perception of progress. Progress at least in perception of progress for people who could be reached at home on a sunny summer weekend at the height of vacation season. Now if we can just get these 80-somethings who think the war is going swimmingly to call every newspaper and television station (they may need help holding their dialing sticks) we will win their hearts and minds (hearts and minds of the vast majority who don't seem to think this war is going all that great). God Bless the pollsters who support the war by asking the right questions at the right times!

Sphere: Related Content

D-Bate

As a conservative, I cannot vote for anyone who does not acknowledge all the hard work and sacrifice our beloved President has made in his pursuit to stamp out global terrorism, taxes on the wealthy, and science run amok. If you cannot follow in the footsteps of our glorious Commander Guy, then I don't want to have anything to do with you. The majority of Republicans still support our Leader. And they still support the war in Iraq, which is going swimmingly if you don't listen to the liberal media, liberal generals, liberal soldiers, liberal UN, or anyone outside of Ann Coulter's or the Washington Times' immediate circle of influence. Unless one of these guys can start to embrace our Decider, they will not have my support or vote.

Sphere: Related Content

Naivite

McCain is so right on the money when he fingered Obama as being naive. His idea of foreign policy is naive, unlike our current policy. With Obama in the picture, we would negotiate with terrorists, talk to our enemies, and have dialog with folks we might not agree with or like. I much prefer our current foreign policy. Despite what you hear in the liberal press, Iraq is going swimmingly. We were greeted as liberators--I still have my box of chocolates, and I pressed my flowers in my autographed copy of A Charge to Keep. We found weapons of mass destruction. And freedom is on the march, marching ever forward, twirling, twirling, towards freedom.

Sphere: Related Content

Careful, He Might Hear You

Finally those Defeatocrats have done something useful. In the late hours of the weekend, right before they were planning to go out on vaca, they passed our beloved Commander Guy's all-important wire tapping law. This amendment to the FISA law will make it possible for our Decider to listen in on overseas telephone conversations and read overseas email without a warrant. This is very critical to help combat terrorism.

Our beloved leader has pointed out that the FISA law was written in 1978, and it is now 2007. No one could have ever imagined back then Internets or cell phones. So we need to make changes to these laws to allow the President to listen in when he needs to, or when he's really bored and needs to hear some gossip.

Every so many years or so, we need to revisit our laws, because of changes in technology. Our Constitution was written in 1787. It is 2007. We need to do away with quaint ideas like the Fourth Amendment. It is a different world.

Now a lot of my liberal friends have told me they don't want the government listening in on their conversations. I have told them if they don't have anything to hide, they shouldn't mind a few extra ears. Of course even some of my good conservative friends seem be a little concerned. I told Bill just don't talk about loofahs on your cell phone and everything will be OK.

So to quote Madeline Kahn, if you don't want the government to hear something they won't like while talking to your auntie on the telephone, you better keep your big mouth shut.

Sphere: Related Content

Brownback

I believe I have exposed Brownback for what he is: a closet liberal. Many conservatives, like yours truly, have attempted to post conservative comments on his blog, defending marriage, gun rights, and the unborn. All these comments have been taken down.

And there are daily attacks on Brownback's website, accusing Mitt Romney of being a flip flopper. I believe these attacks are attempts to obfuscate the issues, and to divert attention away from Brownback's own truly reprehensible liberal ideals. It appears that his wife may have had at least five abortions over the years, and Brownback himself has had several illicit affairs with other males, some of which may have been underage and/or illegal. His last name seems to say it all. I also have learned that he doesn't even own a gun, and when trying to fire one for the first time, shot off two of his toes.

Because of this, I have decided that Brownback is now an evildoer, and as such, he cannot enjoy any more support from conservatives like me. In my opinion, there is only one place for a man like this, and it isn't Congress.

Sphere: Related Content

A Bridge too Far II

It appears that something strange happened when the I35W bridge collapsed in Minneapolis. Now officials want to study the footage of the collapse for clues. This is typical of the Defeatocrats. Instead of attacking the problem, they want to offer understanding and make excuses for the problem. This is the same thing we saw with the terrorists. Those stupid Democrats wanted to study the terrorists, understand why they wanted to attack us, and discover ways to alter or prevent this behavior. What a colossal waste of time. We Republicans understand how to deal with things like this. I am sure our beloved Commander Guy will announce that we will begin bombing the bridge until it disavows any further collapses.

Sphere: Related Content

A Bridge Too Far I

No one could ever have imagined this bridge would collapse, just like no one could ever imagine the levees would give way, just like no one could ever imagine the chaos in Iraq, just like no one could ever imagine hijackings and planes being used as weapons. Thank God our Decider is President. Can you imagine how much worse all these disasters would have been under someone with an even worse imagination than our Commander Guy? This is just another incident, which shows that we should privatize the roads, so we can take the accountability away from elected officials, and put it in the hands of responsible corporate types, like those behind WorldCom, Enron, and Tyco.

Sphere: Related Content

If She's Good Enough for Rupert

I may have to rethink my repulsion for Hillary. With backing from Rupert Murdoch, her stench, while not completely washed off, has been subdued by a bath of Aussie tomato juice. She suddenly has taken on the scent of lilacs.

There are many things to hate about Hillary Rodham Clinton. She is a Democrat. She is a woman. She is from New York (or Chicago, depending on the decade).

But there are many things to love about her, too. She was on the board of Wal-Mart, my favorite store. OK, I have never stepped foot inside one, and I probably never will. My idea of shopping is Sachs or Nieman-Marcus. It certainly is not walking about the fluorescent-bathed aisles of a linoleum nightmare populated with dirty, smoky, toothless white trash, buying giant jars of pickles and Vaseline at 1 AM. But since they are fellow Republicans (or at least can be scared into voting for a Republican by showing them pictures of Bibles and homos) I must support the efforts of Wal-Mart.

So Hil is not exactly that bad, right now. If this ends up a Clinton-Giuliani race, I'm afraid I might have to support Clinton over the Guido. For God's sake, will someone phone Fred Thompson and tell him to shit or get off the pot! Hey, Newt, come on down!

Sphere: Related Content