Doors Open, Boys!

Thank God the Californians decided to pass Proposition 8 and write discrimination into their constitution. This is what we Republicans have been waiting for. And now we have it.

And now it's time to get a little of the other things we have wanted for a long time.

So I am going to start several petitions in the state of California to put a couple of other proposals on the ballot in California next election.

How about Proposition X: marriage is between a white man and a white woman. I like this one. You know we Republicans always want to bring the country back to the Leave It to Beaver days. And you thought we just wanted white picket fences? Well, you got the white right. You know not only were kids better behaved in the 1950's, but most blacks really couldn't vote, marry who they wanted, live or work where they wanted, or have any say in society. I miss the good old days.

And then there is Poposition M: marriage is between a non-Mormon man and a non-Mormon woman. How is that for backstabbing? All you nut jobs in Salt Lake thought we were your friends? Hah! We used you, and now we are taking our revenge on you magic underpants wearing screwballs.

But my favorite is Proposition S: it's legal to own people again. I've always wanted this one. After all, my family had to actually work for a living after Mr. Lincoln stole all our property. I bet the 70% of you blacks who voted for Proposition 8 feel a little stupid now. Wait until I get myself a nice black buck to while away the hours.

Thank you for opening the door for all kinds of crazy discrimination. And maybe I can finally get rid of a couple of thorns in my side like Governor Schwarzenegger and Arianna Huffington. Proposition A will make it illegal for anyone with an annoying accent to be a resident of California.

The bitch is baaaack!

Sphere: Related Content

The Bitch Is Back

The election is over, and Blanca is finally unleashed, like Oprah, able to go back to her own neo-con self.

Over the past several months the prospect of John McCain in the White House sent shivers down the spine of every God-fearing, everyone-else hating conservative in this country. We figured if McCain took over from George W. Bush, he would do something that would taint our beloved Decider's legacy.

Thank God for Sarah Palin. I was worried we would be faced with a President RINO, but then God smiled upon us and gave us the most incompetent, least intelligent Wasilla hillbilly from the Great White North, and we were saved from four years of disastrous rule.

Our beloved Commander Guy has been the bestest President ever. I mean he handed Barack Obama and the Democrats the best economy in 20 years, and look at what's happened. In less than a week we now have 7% unemployment, a stock market tanking, record foreclosures and bank failures, an auto industry about to evaporate, and a quagmire in Iraq. Wow, who says black men aren't productive?

Yes, four years of Democrats, and the country will be just begging to go back to Republican rule. I mean look at how good the economy was in 1992 when Clinton stole the election from Commander Guy, Sr. And then Clinton drove the economy so far into the ground that just eight short years later, more people voted for George W. Bush than Al Gore and gave Dear Leader a mandate.

I agree with Rush Limbaugh. This is no landslide. Fewer people voted this year than ever before in the history of mankind. And I agree with my friend Sean Hannity, who pointed out that the Republicans lost because they weren't conservative enough.

Just wait until 2012, when we will come back strong, with even farther right candidates than we ran before. You think Santorum was loonie, wait until you meet the new batch of crackpots we have waiting in the wings at Regent University. Be afraid, be very afraid.

So the old bitch is back. I got what I wanted: a Raison d'être. I don't think; I read the talking points, therefore I am Republican.

It's good to be back.

Sphere: Related Content

Blanca Takes a Break

Blanca is going to take a break for a while.  This whole election thing has exhausted her.

In a little while she will return.

Sphere: Related Content

Barack Obama Wins! Barack Obama is the 44th President!

Obama is the 44th President of the United States of America.

Sphere: Related Content

Blanca Is Facedown in a Puddle of Her Own Sick

Things are progressing very fast tonight for Barack Obama. Although I had hoped the election would have been called by this point so I could order my 5 call boys to suction out all the excess fat and put me to bed for the evening, what I am seeing seems to indicate that Obama will be the 44th President.

Right now Obama has 207 electoral votes to McCain's 135. Virginia, Indiana, North Carolina, Colorado, and Florida have yet to be called. But it is looking more and more like Obama will be the frist black President, after Morgan Freeman and Dennis Haysbert.

Sphere: Related Content

Obama: 81; McCain: 34

Obama now has 81 electoral votes to McCain's 34.

Sphere: Related Content

Obama Wins New Hampshire

CNN now projects Obama will win New Hampshire and her 4 electoral votes.

Sphere: Related Content

Obama Wins Maine

CNN projects Obama will win Maine, but since Maine is one of two states to split their electoral votes, right now Obama has 2 to McCain's 1. If Maine goes anything like 2000 or 2004, then Obama will end up with all 4 of her electoral votes.

Sphere: Related Content

Obama: 77; McCain: 34

So far Obama leads in the Electoral College with 77 votes to McCain's 34.

Sphere: Related Content

McCain Wins Oklahoma

CNN projects John McCain will win Oklahoma and her 7 electoral votes.

Sphere: Related Content

McCain Wins Tennessee

CNN projects John McCain will win Tennessee and her 11 electoral votes.

Sphere: Related Content

Obama Wins Illinois

CNN projects Barack Obama will win Illinois and her 21 electoral votes.

Sphere: Related Content

Obama wins Washington, D.C.

CNN projects Obama will win Washington, DC, and her 3 electoral votes.

Sphere: Related Content

Obama Wins Maryland

CNN projects Obama wins Maryland and her 10 electoral votes.

Sphere: Related Content

Obama Wins Delaware

CNN projects Obama wins Delaware and her 3 electoral votes.

Sphere: Related Content

Obama Wins New Jersey

CNN projects Obama wins New Jersey and her 15 electoral votes.

Sphere: Related Content

Obama wins Connecticut

CNN projects Obama wins Connecticut and her 7 electoral votes.

Sphere: Related Content

Obama Wins Massachusetts

CNN is now projecting Barack Obama will win Massachusetts and her 12 electoral votes.

Tally to follow, since things are now happening fast and furious.

Sphere: Related Content

McCain Wins South Carolina

CNN is projecting that John McCain will win South Carolina and her 8 electoral votes.

This brings the tally to:

Obama: 3
McCain: 16

Sphere: Related Content

Mark Warner Wins Virginia Senate Seat

CNN now projects that Mark Warner will win the Senate race in Virginia.

This adds one more Democrat to the Senate. Now the tally stands at:

Democrats: 40
Republicans: 27

Sphere: Related Content

McCain Wins Kentucky

CNN is now projecting that John McCain will win Kentucky and her 8 electoral votes.

This now brings the tally to:

Obama: 3
McCain: 8

McCain people, don't get too penisy. CNN still has yet to call Indiana.

Sphere: Related Content

Obama Wins Vermont

CNN has now projected that Barack Obama will win Vermont and her 3 electoral votes. This brings the grand tally to:

Obama: 3
McCain: 0

Sphere: Related Content

Indiana and Kentucky Early Results

It is pretty quiet, and only 3% of the vote is coming in, but what is interesting is how close the vote is so far.

In both Kentucky and Indiana Obama and McCain are within 3 points of each other. McCain leads in Kentucky and Obama is ahead in Indiana.

If this trend continues, this will be a very hard night for John McCain.

Sphere: Related Content

4 Hours

Indiana is a state divided into two time zones: Eastern and Central. The state's 6,345,289 residents are not evenly divided between the two. The Central Time Zone is home to 1,299,403 Hoosiers, while the Eastern Time Zone houses 4,972,570.

The largest city is Indianapolis, which is in Eastern. The seventh largest city is Bloomington. Both of these cities are going to be heavy for Barack Obama.

The third and fifth largest cities, Evansville and Gary, are in the Central Time Zone, and are expected to also favor Obama. These two metropolitan areas have 1,048,688 of the residents in Central.

If CNN projects a winner between 6 and 7 PM tonight for Indiana, the Obama will not win the state. If, however, they need to hold off until 8 or 9 PM, then things are going well for him in the state.

We will see.

Sphere: Related Content

5 Hours

Just five hours until the first polls close. And it is the final release of the electoral college tally by Rasmussen Reports.

According to Rasmussen, Obama is up by 6. However the most important number is not 6 but 52, which is the percentage of the popular vote he takes. Once you pass 51, undecided voters generally don't mean squat. The other important number is 46, which is the percentage for McCain. This means the other important number is 2. That is the percentage of undecided voters.

But what is also very important in this poll is that this is a poll of likely voters. In a year when no one really knows what a likely voter is, this may just be meaningless.

Offices are partially empty today, as one-third of Obama voters appear to be out of the office, voting for their candidate. More than 31 million have voted early.

But there is one more interesting fact about this election day. There are very long lines in some locations, while others seem to have relatively few voters. While much of this may be due to a disproportionate distribution of voting machines, what it could mean is that one side are despondent and resigned to losing. If enough McCain voters just say "fuck it," this landslide could be historic in nature. It could be like the kind of massive upheavals you see in nature every so many million years--or decades according to Palin's 6000-year history of the world.

Sphere: Related Content

6 Hours

Here is a run down of some races you should be watching. This is courtesy of the folks at LivPac. And by courtesy, I mean I didn't ask permission and I posted it verbatim on my site. I call it the Ann Coulter method. My gal pal taught me everything I know about cutting and pasting. Well, in her case, there was a lot more cutting and not so much pasting, but enough about her genitalia.

House of Representatives
AL - 2 Bobby Bright vs. Jay Love
AL - 5 Parker Griffith vs. Wayne Parker
AK - AL Ethan Berkowitz vs. Don Young
AR - 1 Ann Kirkpatrick vs. Sydney Ann Hay
AR - 3 Bob Lord vs. John Shaddegg
AR - 5 Harry Mitchell vs. David Schweikert
AR - 8 Gabrielle Giffords vs. Tim Bee
CA - 3 Bill Durston vs. Dan Lungren
CA - 4 Charlie Brown vs. Tom McClintock
CA - 11 Jerry McNerney vs. Dean Andal
CA - 45 Julie Borenstein vs. Mary Bono
CA - 50 Nick Leibham vs. Brian Bilbray
CO - 4 Betsy Markey vs. Marilyn Musgrave
CO - 4 Jim Himes vs. Chris Shays
FL - 8 Alan Grayson vs. Ric Keller
FL - 9 Bill Mitchell vs. Gus Bilirakis
FL - 16 Tim Mahoney vs. Tom Rooney
FL - 18 Annette Taddeo vs. Ileana Ros-Lehtinen
FL - 21 Raul Martinez vs. Lincoln Diaz Balart
FL - 24 Suzanne Kosmas vs. Dick Feeney
FL - 25 Joe Garcia vs. Mario Diaz Balart
GA - 8 Jim Marshall vs. Rick Goddard
ID - 1 Walt Minnick vs. Bill Sali
IL - 6 Jill Morgenthaler vs. Peter Roskam
IL - 10 Daniel Seals vs. Mark Kirk
IL - 11 Debbie Halvorson vs. Marty Ozinga
IL - 13 Scott Harper vs. Judy Biggert
IL - 14 Bill Foster vs. Jim Oberweis
IL - 18 Colleen Callaghan vs. Aaron Schock
IN - 2 Joe Donnelly vs. Luke Puckett
IN - 3 Michael Montagano vs. Mark Souder
IN - 9 Baron Hill vs. Mike Sodrel
IA - 4 Becky Greenwald vs. Tom Latham
IA - 5 Rob Hubler vs. Steve King
KS - 2 Nancy Boyda vs. Lynn Jenkins
KS - 3 Dennis Moore vs. Nick Jordan
KY - 2 David Boswell vs. Brett Guthrie
KY - 3 John Yarmuth vs. Anne Northup
LA - 4 Paul Carmouche vs. Jeff Thompson
LA - 6 Don Cazayoux vs. Bill Cassidy
MD - 1 Frank Kratovil vs. Andrew Harris
MI - 7 Mark Schauer vs. Tim Walberg
MI - 9 Gary Peters vs. Joe Knollenberg
MN - 1 Tim Walz vs. Brian Davis
MN - 2 Steve Sarvi vs. John Kline
MN - 3 Ashwin Madia vs. Eric Paulsen
MN - 6 El Tinklenberg vs. Michelle Bachmann
MS - 1 Travis Childers vs. Greg Davis
MO - 6 Kay Barnes vs. San Graves
MO - 9 Judy Baker vs. Blaine Lutkemeyer
NE - 2 Jim Esch vs. Lee Terry
NV - 2 Jill Derby vs. Dean Heller
NV - 3 Dina Titus vs. Jon Porter
NH - 1 Carol Shea-Porter vs. Jeb Bradley
NH - 2 Paul Hodes vs. Jennifer Horn
NJ - 3 John Adler vs. Chris Myers
NJ - 5 Dennis Shulman vs. Scott Garrett
NJ - 7 Linda Stender vs. Leonard Lance
NM - 1 Martin Heinrich vs. Darren White
NM - 2 Harry Teague vs. Ed Tinsley
NY - 13 Mike McMahon vs. Bob Straniere
NY - 20 Kirsten Gillibrand vs. Sandy Treadwell
NY - 24 Michael Arcuri vs. Richard Hanna
NY - 25 Dan Maffei vs. Dale Sweetland
NY - 26 Alice Kryzan vs. Chris Lee
NY - 29 Eric Massa vs. Randy Kuhl
NC - 8 Larry Kissell vs. Robin Hayes
NC - 10 Daniel Johnson vs. Patrick McHenry
OH - 1 Steve Driehaus vs. Steve Chabot
OH - 2 Victoria Wulsin vs. Jean Schmidt
OH - 15 Mary Jo Kilroy vs. Deborah Pryce
OH - 16 John Boccieri vs. J. Kirk Schuring
OH - 18 Zack Space vs. Fred Dailey
OK - 1 Georgianna Oliver vs. John Sullivan
OR - 5 Kurt Schrader vs. Mike Erickson
PA - 3 Kathy Dahlkemper vs. Phil English
PA - 10 Paul Kanjorski vs. Lou Barletta
PA - 11 Chris Carney vs. Chris Hackett
PA - 4 Jason Altmire vs. Melissa Hart
PA - 12 John Murtha vs. William Russell
SC - 1 Linda Ketner vs. Henry Brown
SC - 2 Rob Miller vs. Joe Wilson
TX - 7 Michael Skelly vs. John Culberson
TX - 22 Nick Lampson vs. John Wieder
TX - 23 Ciro Rodriguez vs. Lyle Larson
UT - 1 Morgan Bowen vs. Robert Bishop
VA - 2 Glenn Nye vs. Thelma Drake
VA - 5 Tom Perriello vs. Virgil Goode
VA - 11 Gerry Connolly vs. Keith Fimian
WA - 8 Darcy Burner vs. Dave Reichert
WV - 2 Anne Barth vs. Shelley Moore Capito
WI - 8 Steve Kagen vs. John Gard
WY - AL Gary Trauner vs. Cynthia Lummis

Senate
Alaska Mark Begich vs. Ted Stevens
Colorado Mark Udall vs. Bob Schaffer
Georgia Jim Martin vs. Saxby Chambliss
Kentucky Bruce Lunsford vs. Mitch McConnell
Louisiana Mary Landrieu vs. John Kennedy
Maine Tom Allen vs. Susan Collins
Minnesota Al Franken vs. Norm Coleman
Mississippi Ronnie Musgrove vs. Roger Wicker
New Hampshire Jeanne Shaheen vs. John Sununu
New Mexico Tom Udall vs. Steve Pearce
North Carolina Kay Hagan vs. Elizabeth Dole
Oregon Jeff Merkley vs. Gordon Smith
Virginia Mark Warner vs. Jim Gilmore

Sphere: Related Content

7 Hours

In just seven hours the first polls will close in Indiana and Kentucky. The polls seem to indicate that Indiana is a pure toss up. Kentucky is red, but not as red as it was in 2004 or 2000.

In 2000 Indiana went for Bush by 15.7 points. In 2004 Indiana gave Bush a 20.7 point advantage over Kerry. This year McCain is up by just 1.4 points according to the poll of polls by RealClearPolitics.

Kentucky went for Bush by 15.1 points in 2000. In 2004 the advantage over Kerry for Bush was 19.9 points. This year the advantage to Kentucky is 13.5 according to RealClearPolitics.

Um...anyone notice something goofy here?

If Indiana essentially erased a 20 point lead for the Republican between 2004 and 2008, why don't we see the same in Kentucky?

Let's look at the demographics for both Indiana and Kentucky.

Demographics of Indiana (csv)
By race	White	Black	AIAN*	Asian	NHPI*
2000 (total population)	90.13%	8.91%	0.65%	1.21%	0.08%
2000 (Hispanic only)	3.31%	0.15%	0.07%	0.03%	0.02%
2005 (total population)	89.57%	9.42%	0.63%	1.44%	0.08%
2005 (Hispanic only)	4.29%	0.19%	0.08%	0.04%	0.02%
Growth 2000–05 (total population)	2.51%	8.99%	-0.26%	23.11%	11.31%
Growth 2000–05 (non-Hispanic only)	1.33%	8.68%	-2.87%	22.97%	9.77%
Growth 2000–05 (Hispanic only)	33.38%	26.82%	21.02%	28.42%	16.70%
* AIAN is American Indian or Alaskan Native; NHPI is Native Hawaiian or Pacific Islander

Demographics of Kentucky (csv)
By race	White	Black	AIAN*	Asian	NHPI*
2000 (total population)	91.53%	7.76%	0.61%	0.92%	0.08%
2000 (Hispanic only)	1.35%	0.10%	0.04%	0.02%	0.01%
2005 (total population)	91.27%	7.98%	0.58%	1.10%	0.08%
2005 (Hispanic only)	1.80%	0.12%	0.04%	0.03%	0.01%
Growth 2000–05 (total population)	2.97%	6.16%	-2.21%	23.46%	9.78%
Growth 2000–05 (non-Hispanic only)	2.44%	5.94%	-3.28%	23.07%	7.98%
Growth 2000–05 (Hispanic only)	37.97%	22.34%	13.51%	38.48%	19.80%
* AIAN is American Indian or Alaskan Native; NHPI is Native Hawaiian or Pacific Islander

Notice any similarities? How about income?

Indiana's per capita income, as of 2005, was US$31,150.^[47] Kentucky's per-capita personal income was US$28,513, 43^rd in the nation.^[65]

I think Kentucky will be closer than they think. Either that, or that Indiana's polls are all wrong.

I think it is the former.

In seven hours we shall see.

Sphere: Related Content

Barack Obama Wins! (Hart's Location)

The hamlet of Hart's Location, New Hampshire, has cast 17 of its 29 ballots for Senator Barack Obama.

Since 1996 the town has voted with the victor of the White House.

Well, that makes three for three in the early "voting" going for Barack Obama.  First the Redskins spit on gramps McCain, then Dixville Notch stabs him in the back, and finally the town of Hart's Location collectively get in their pickups and run over the still-bleeding corpse.

Fasten your Depends, Mr. McCain, it's going to be a bumpy night!

Sphere: Related Content

Redskins Lose--Oh Noes!

For those of you who do not believe in polls, but instead prefer tea leaves, the Washington Redskins lost.

For the past 17 presidential elections, with the exception of 2004, if the Redskins win, the incumbent party in the White House wins.  If they lose, so does the incumbent.

Barack Obama is a Democrat, and the incumbent--a lame duck--George W. Bush is a Republican.

Let's just home Hart's Location doesn't pile on and make it a trifecta against Senator McCain.  I don't think grandpa can take it.

Sphere: Related Content

Obama Wins! (Dixville Notch, NH)

Dixville Notch, New Hampshire continued it's first in the nation status today, casting 15 of 21 ballots for Barack Obama.  This is the first time since 1968 the heavily Republican town has voted for a Democrat, when the town cast 8 of its 12 votes for Hubert Humphrey.

The town is hardly a bellwether, but it does say something for he mood of the nation that the GOP town has voted for a Democrat.

Sphere: Related Content

Obama's Grandmother Dies

Barack Obama's grandmother lost her battle with cancer yesterday morning and died.  She was 86.

It is heartbreaking that she did not live to see her grandson make history today.  But we all hope that she is watching now. Our hearts and prayers go out to Mr. Obama at this sad moment.  Any victory lap will be tempered with a tear.

Madelyn Dunham dead at 86.

Sphere: Related Content

One

Just 24 hours left until Election Day. Actually, it is really just 8 hours and 15 minutes until the first results come in from Dixville Notch and Hart's Location. The rest of the civilized world will begin to announce their results in just 1 day 3 hours and 15 minutes.

Blanca is going to get to bed early tonight to deal with the long haul tomorrow night. I just wanted to give me prediction for the Senate and House races.

For no particular reason, other than it tickles me, I am going to go with 60 in the Senate and 275 in the House. I am pulling this from my ass, so pardon me if it is wrong.

Remember to stay tuned here tomorrow, when I will begin to call each and every state. Polls close at 6 PM in Indiana and Kentucky. Other states will follow all the way up to 1 AM. Hopefully we will know well before 1 AM who the next President is. If it takes until November 5 or later, Blanca will be very pissed. But I really don't think you will see anything like that this year. Indeed, the only states where Obama is behind the results of either 2000 or 2004 are New Jersey and Massachusetts.

Sphere: Related Content

Two

Come November 5, the Republicans will be faced with a monumental decision: what to do with the party, now tattered and torn to shreds by the category five known as Barack Obama. They could take this opportunity to regroup and come back as a stronger, more vibrant, more vivacious party, or they could do what they did after election day in 2006 and read the tea leaves like a bunch of meth-addicted gypies and come up with the stupidest interpretation of the election ever.

After the massive losses, or the "thumpin'" as President Obvious put it, the Republicans were convinced they lost because they were not conservative enough. Evidentally Rick Santorum didn't get the memo about being loonie tunes right wing. I mean, he was just about the most conservative member of the Senate, and he had his man-on-dog-sex ass handed to him by Bob Casey, son of a popular Democratic governor.

The right wing latched onto the fact that Bob Casey is pro-life as evidence that America is still far to the right. Maybe Bob Casey didn't get their memo, either. Although he is pro-life, he also very much believes that Roe v. Wade is the law of the land, and that attempts to undermine it strike at the heart of what the Democratic party stands for: individual liberty.

On Wednesday, the party leaders will try to divine the will of the people by looking through a bucket of bile supplied courtesy of Coulter, Hannity, Limbaugh, et al. But, just perhaps, if they decided to take an objective look at the results and chose to instead actually fix the problem, the party might--just might--survive.

The Republicans need to exorcise their party of the crazy bunch, which has brought it to this ruin. Just like they ran the blacks and homos out of the GOP years ago, they need to do something to piss and scare off the religious right, so they can get back to the basics.

The Republicans chose John McCain, because they thought he was middle of the road enough to attract Democrats and Independents. They shot themselves in the foot by not going with the two Republicans who could have actually won: Dr. Ron Paul and Rudy Giuliani. These two gentlemen--OK, one gentleman, and one cross-dressing hermaphrodite--were skipped over because they were crazy enough to support gay rights or Roe v. Wade.

Even though McCain did not support a Constitutional ban on gay marriage, and although he was pro-life, he basically still supported these gays and was willing to accept abortion, with some very strong caveats. Those in the heart of the party knew his real voting record, and were satisfied enough that it would pass some sort of smell test.

But then John McCain got abducted by the far to right wing of the party, and they forced him to go loonie tunes bananas to satisfy them. In the process, McCain drove off all the independents and Democrats, who might have voted for him.

If McCain had remained his own man, he might have had a chance, even in a year when the Republicans are an anathema. But he sold his soul to the very people who crucified him in 2000, and for that he is going to not only lose, but lose big.

But there is hope for the Party of Lincoln. They can bring it back and resurrect their party, but they are going to have to make sacrifices. Here are some things they can do to save the party.

Blanca is a Christian, just like her gal pal Ann Coulter. And by Christian I don't mean that I actually do anything Jesus told me to do, like helping the poor and the downtrodden. No, I show my faith by wearing bling. I buy giant crosses made of silver or platinum. Even though I could have quietly demonstrated my faith by taking the money I would have used to by my thirty pieces of silver and donated it to the poor, I instead choose to piss it away at Tiffiny's in Tulsa--the branch, which specializes in Christian crap.

But even I know you sometimes have to hid your light under a bushel in order to win elections. And by hide, I really mean conceal. And by conceal I really mean lie.

The Republican National Committee needs to change its party platform in order to save the drowning ship. These changes will undoubtedly anger many, but the patient has cancer, and sometimes you have to cut off a leg to save the patient.

1. Abortion--The Republican Party has been the Pro-Life party for years, and look at what it has gotten us. Abortion is still legal. A super majority of the population believes it should still be. All the justices and judges have not brought us any closer to the elimination of Roe v. Wade. Some might say this was our tactic all along. If we ever actually did away with abortion, we would lose this wedge issue and start losing elections. Well, we haven't done away with it, but we are still losing. Time to lose it.
2. Gay Marriage--We have tried to make Gay Marriage the boogie man in four elections now, and it really hasn't worked. We now have Gay Marriage in three states. Proposition 8 is bound for failure in California. A majority of the population no longer seems scared by gays getting married. Once everyone saw that the world didn't end and that traditional marriage was just as fucked up as before, the whole wedge issue lost it's edge. And gays have something Republican voters don't seem to have these days: money. With double incomes and no kids, they are able to spend money on shit that would make Sarah Palin salivate. So why not throw them a bone, and get their votes and money in the process? Sure, you will piss of the religious right, and they will leave the party, but at some point they will get tired of having no voice and will come back.
3. Minorities--For nearly forty years the Republicans have used race as an issue to get the votes of the white southerners. The problem is that these bigots are dying off faster than they can be replaced. It seems bigots have children who don't necessarily end up being bigots. The kids seem to be better adjusted and don't mind race mixing and are tolerant of other cultures. Thank you very much, MTV! And while the Jim Crow vote is dwindling, the minority vote is growing. With whites projected to be in the minority by 2050, we need to get as many swarthy voters as possible. And it really isn't that difficult. Just propose an amendment to the Constitution guaranteeing equal rights. Throw in some speeches in Spanish and Swahili, and BINGO! we are back in the good graces of all of those darkies. Oh, and have Republicans throw Rush Limbaugh under the bus. Literally. It will take about 20, because he is so fat, but throw his Oxycontin ass under the next Greyhound to Atlanta, and we will be knee-deep in minorities in our party. Sure the whities from the South will leave our party, but they would anyway when they die prematurely in ten years from a lack of health insurance and an abundance of cigarettes.
4. Unions--For nearly thirty years Republicans have been union busting, and look at what it has gotten us. Sure, at first we could fool Joe Six Pack, and got the dumb shit to vote for Reagen back in 1988. But all those auto workers from Michigan who voted for the Gipper finally realized we were really stealing their pensions and were screwing them like a $20 whore. Now they are voting for Democrats in increasing numbers. We need to get those Joes back. And the good news is that it really isn't that hard. All we have to do is protect labor, screwing the military industrial complex, and we will WIN, WIN, WIN. Sure we will lose all those millions from oil and banking, but who cares. Evita didn't have to advertise to win elections. She just had to screw the President. So it's time we started prostituting ourselves to a group, who might actually deliver: workers.
   
5. Religion--We have been the Party of Jesus for a while, but it is starting to wear thin. Like the Catholic Church, we are cutting off our noses to spite our faces. The Holy See has been alienating and losing supporters in the affluent Western countries for decades. But they have been growing in popularity in the Third World. The problem is that the Third World consumes the Church's resources, while the Western countries support the Catholic charities. Without the cash cows in the West, the Catholic Church will be bankrupt in fifty years. The number of Catholics is growing thanks to countries like the Philippines. Those Filipinos fuck like bunnies. Just ask my puki pal Michelle Malkin. If she doesn't get laid at least three times a day her hoo ha dries up from unuse. But those Filipinos contribute a negative to the Church. They consume more than they give. And the Catholics are going broke because of them. And so are we Republicans. We keep getting religious loons from West Virginia and Alabama who don't have two nickles to rub together, while we keep losing the religious moderates who are rich in New York, New Jersey, Connecticut, and California. It's time to dump the dead weight and go with what makes fiduciary sense.
   

If the Republicans take these drastic steps, they have a chance to save the party. If they don't, they are destined for oblivion. The choice is theirs.

Just 48 hours to go. If you thought Palin had an expensive makeover, wait until the bill comes in for the deck chair rearrangement going on over at the Republican National Committee Headquarters. It won't take a genius to know they will be in need of a major overhauling to save themselves. But it definitely will take a purge. And we will start November 5 with Lindsay Graham, John McCain, and Sarah Palin.

Sphere: Related Content

Three

Just 72 hours until V-Day 2008. And it is finally time for Blanca to do her prediction for the election.

Tonight, I will focus on the Presidential race.

And to just prove that I am not pulling all this from my ass like my gal pal Ann Coulter and my fuck buddy Sean Hannity do, I am providing pretty graphs, all to prove I know how to post pretty graphs.

Let's start with the perennial conservative polling outfit Rasmussen Reports.

Currently they have 313 for Obama and 160 for McCain. They have a total of 65 toss ups in this scenario.

While I agree with their status of Missouri, Montana, Indiana, and North Carolina, I think they are being too generous with Florida, and not generous enough with Ohio and Nevada. Florida is a pure toss up, while Ohio and Nevada are leaning very strongly for Obama and Biden.

USA Today is much more conservative with their projection. They are giving Obama just 248 while they give McCain 135.

It is pretty clear that this map is very out of date. USA Today has been very out of sync with the rest of the media this year. If you notice they still have states like New Hampshire, Iowa, Colorado, New Mexico, Arkansas, and Louisiana as toss ups. This is why I only trust the USA Today to catch the poo coming out of my Shiatsu's ass.

And this brings us to the news outlet of the Tiffiny Network: CBS News.

CBS News has another rather conservative map, which favors McCain, in that it doesn't afford Obama all the states, which are in all likelihood going to be in Obama's column in three days. In their scenario, Obama has 259 with McCain coming in at 163. They have 116 toss ups on their map. This is far too many toss ups.

But the important thing you should be taking away from this lesson in clip art and cutting and pasting is what these three maps have in common. Please keep that in mind as we move on in our jaunt through the electoral maps of the news media.

This is CNN's map. Notice anything interesting? You should. Not only have they added more pretty colors, they also have added shading to indicate how much a particular state is leaning in one candidates favor.

Even though they give Obama a strong advantage with 291 to McCain's paltry 160, they seem to be less generous with their margins than other outfits.

If you take note, they have Pennsylvania in a lighter shade of blue than New York. Likewise they have Minnesota at a light shade of blue. Meanwhile, Michigan and Illinois are deep blue.

Now I will grant them that Illinois is deep blue, but the polls I have seen have indicated that Minnesota and Michigan are currently in Obama's camp by the same margin. Likewise, Pennsylvania, although fluctuating, is a pretty safe Democratic state, having last voted for a Republican President in 1988.

Which brings us to MSNBC's latest map. They, too, seem to think that Pennsylvania is light blue, but look at what else they think is light blue: Michigan.

MSNBC also gives Obama a victory with 286 to McCain's 163.

But they also have South Dakota as a toss up. At least they don't have Oregon and Washington in light blue. Considering Oregon is 100% vote by mail, we should know shortly after they stop accepting ballots who the winner is.

RealClearPolitics has another blowout for Obama, even if they are not as generous with Pennsylvania as I think they should be. Obama takes 313 and McCain pulls in 132 with a total of 95 toss ups on their map.

What is important is which states are deep blue for RealClearPolitics. All of the upper Midwest and Great Lakes states are deep blue. If this is true, then why is Pennsylvania light blue? Wouldn't it be a toss up?

RealClearPolitics has been very good at taking the poll of polls this year, but they sometimes make assumptions, with which I cannot agree.

And this brings us to probably the most convoluted and complicated site on the Internets, FiveThirtyEight. These guys have to be the wonkiest wonks on the Innertubes.

Although their map looks like it was drawn by a spastic drunk three-year-old, they more than make up for crappy refrigerator art with a cool distribution graph, which is the real story of the election.

This guy runs a bunch of simulations all day long, coming up with a thousand different outcomes, graphing probability, and then coming up with a statistical analysis of who will win on November 4. In other words, this guy lives in his mother's basement and has no sex life. But I have to admire his spunk. Oh, that might have been a poor choice of words considering how he spends the rest of his day when not running electoral simulations.


I also have to love his pie charts. Mmmm, pie. They are so simple, even a West Virginian could understand them, albeit they use decimals and percentages, which are usually above the third grade education required for incest and snake handling.

Do you think I am making any fans in the Mountain State with my sharp witticism? Oh, for you people from West Virginia, that means humor.

No matter how you slice it--West Virginians, this is what is called a pun--Obama comes up the winner on this guy's site. But what I find most interesting is how he treats each of the states with subtle shading, indicating how much they lean for one candidate or another.

According to this guy, Pennsylvania is deep blue, just like the rest of the Northeast, or as this guy calls them, the Acela States. Note to my new friends from West Virginia, the Acela is a train. A train is like a car, but on rails. If you can find an intact book not currently being used to wipe your ass in an outhouse, it might have a picture of one.

Damn, I'm a bitch.

Finally we have Electoral-Vote, who has Obama at 353 and McCain at 185. His map uses less shading than outlines and colors. His map is probably the most generous to both Obama and Mccain, as he doesn't really believe in a toss up.

Once again we have Pennsylvania in deep blue. This time, New Mexico is also deep blue. Add to that the quartet of Ohio, Virginia, Nevada, and Colorado in light blue, and it is clear Obama is ahead.

If one thing is clear from surfing all of these sites, it is that Obama is way ahead, and McCain is screwed. Now he knows how his first wife must have felt when he left her for the beer bitch.

Averaging out these maps, and adding my patented genius, Blanca has come up with two maps. The first is the worst case scenario, while the second is the bestest of all possible outcomes for Mr. Obama. Let's visit the worst case scenario first.

As you can see, in this bummer for Obama, he still walks away with 273 to McCain's 265, and Michelle is picking out new china patterns while Cindy is smashing every plate in the hutch. Well, at least she can take solace in all those prescription drugs she steals from her charity.

This makes a couple of assumptions. First, that all the leaners are going to go for McCain. It also assumes that anything Kerry had in 2004 is safe. I think this is a good assumption. To believe in a year in which red states are falling into the Obama camp some blue states would turn red is not just fantasy, it is retarded. Not Sarah Palin retarded but Trig Palin retarded. Man, I really need to work on those anger management issues.

Now let's assume everything goes super for Obama on November 4, and the landslide everyone expects occurs. My best case scenario is even more generous than anyone else's. And I will tell you why.

If the groundswell is taking place in places like Indiana and Missouri to make them possibly blue, then Montana, the Dakotas, both Virginias, and Georgia are blue. I throw in Arizona and Arkansas just to piss off McCain.

Now somewhere between these two is going to be the results on November 4, 2008. Blanca is going to go out on a limb and predict that the final Electoral College count will be between 350 and 400 for Barack Obama. I think America will give Obama something Bush hasn't has since his fraternity days: a mandate!

Don't forget to watch Saturday Night Live tonight. John McCain will be rearing his ugly, tumor-filled head like Putin over the steppes of Alaska. I also have an inkling Obama may just show up unannounced. It should be real fun.

Sphere: Related Content